Over the last ten, fifteen years of struggling with anxiety I've come to recognize that there's an intrinsic relationship between my social anxiety and my self-expression.
The feeling of anxiety, for me, is something of a 'tightness' in my chest, along with some other symptoms like a racing heart. This tightness, however, can be seen symbolically as confinement, a closeness, or a closed-off feeling.
I came to realize over the last two years that this I have had my associations with anxiety backwards. I assumed that it was social anxiety - the tight feeling - that inhibited my ability to enjoy socializing. Rather, it was the other way around: the closed-off, tight feeling of my anxiety was the result of me inhibiting myself!
All emotions are reflections of thought patterns, beliefs, and behaviours. I was aware of this for sometime, but always grappled with the feeling of anxiety. It's just so damn pervasive and it arises at the weirdest times. How could this ever be a reflection of my own thoughts or beliefs?
Turns out, that's exactly the case. Refusing my own self-expression is equally as pervasive, and my urge to deny myself arises at pretty weird times - when I'm around my friends, for example, or around people that I respect.
Realizing this hasn't completely eliminated my anxiety, like I hoped it would. It has, however, opened up an entirely new avenue of thought for reflection and contemplation that I truly believe will help me nip this issue in the bud within the next year or two.
Anyone else have similar experiences?
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